


praying for someone (like you)

by gingergenower



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, F/M, Post 1x07, Post 1x18, Romance, Unrequited Love, fully fledged soundtrack also included because I'm a goddamn nerd, post 2x15
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 09:49:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10186781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergenower/pseuds/gingergenower
Summary: Three times Winn considers women he might love.





	

_were you just being kind, or am i losing my[mind?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoZVxPTvGp4)_

Even before the cape, there was an echoing void of space between his fingertips and her face, galaxies of spiralling dust that glittered in the sunlight. The edges of Kara are soft- pastel colours and joy-filled giggles and tiny cupcakes she can devour in seconds- but Winn can’t put his hand near her. She’s either as fragile as she looks or she’ll slice his skin with barbed roses.

She’s sat at her desk, Winn’s sat at his. Leaning over her desk, she’s steadily filling out some inane paperwork for Cat, arm still in the sling. Winn picked it up. She got her powers back and her arm healed, but there’s got to be some kind of continuity. The hospital’s going to call up and apologize for giving her the results of someone else’s x-ray in a few days, and she’s only sprained her wrist. Stirring, she stretches, and he looks back at his screen before she can glance up at him.

The yards between their desks could be a universe; he wouldn’t know, he’ll never walk it. He saw her with James. Dear god does he want to be loved like she might love someone, be held like she held James, know what all that sweet kindness and hope and laughter feels like wrapped around him-

He won’t, though. And he won’t ask because he already knows the answer. 

Clearing his throat, he starts typing.

_i wish we met before they convinced you life is[war](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIHPNqYiPSM)_

His empty apartment stirs around him. Mrs McKellar next door’s playing her music again, some soulful jazz he didn’t much like until it drifted through his wall. A pipe creaks somewhere, the tv show he’s not watching bleating at him from his laptop.

Siobhan Smythe; the loneliest girl he’s ever met. He’s only glad he hadn’t fallen for her. He could’ve. He could’ve loved her ruthlessness and anger and ambition because it’s her searing conviction and determination and desire too. He could’ve loved her dark eyes in dimly lit rooms, bare skin pressed against him in and teeth sinking into his neck, her lightly spiced apricot perfume absorbed into his pores. He could’ve loved all that darkness in her, he could’ve fallen for her again and again until he stumbled straight into her and she could’ve taken him wherever she wanted. He would’ve followed her.

If she’d waited until he fell for her, she could’ve asked him to betray Cat. She could’ve asked him how to hurt Kara. She could’ve asked him to run away with him, cover up their online footprints, hack into government agencies and steal money and they’d live like Bonnie and Clyde.

He would’ve said yes because he’s as lonely as her. He’s his father’s son, he can compromise his sanity and his soul until there’s nothing left of the man someone else can love. What a fool. 

Smacking the refresh button, he’s determined to watch the episode this time.

_hey, hey, shiksa goddess, i’ve been waiting for someone like[you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9mLpNiVWZo)_

Lyra sleeps deeper and longer than he does.

He wakes up and she’s curled up into his side, his arm (numb, dead, possibly never to be revived) her pillow. Skin a few degrees warmer than hers, he’s getting used to her wriggling her way as close to him as she can in the night to stave off the cold. Her hand’s clutching the front of his shirt, legs tangled in his, open-mouthed breathing hot against his side.

The first time he met her, she tore apart three guys and rolled her eyes like it was nothing. She was wearing the boots he’s learned to worship, the leather jacket that’s her armour, the searching gaze that means she’s waiting for disappointment. She handled them because Winn couldn’t, did the right thing and didn’t expect anything in return. 

Utterly out of his reach, bright eyes staring at him in the dimly lit room, she said ‘have dinner with me tonight’ and what else was he supposed to do?

Stirring a little, she gets a tighter grip on his shirt and burrows her face against his ribs, sighing in her sleep. She runs colder than he does but she’s this bright warmth in his chest, and he smiles, brushing stray hair off her face.

Love was this ugly scar, branded on his chest and still burning. Love hurts, love brings out his worst, love is cruel and twists him up and spits him back out, and yet-

He’s sure this isn’t love. Too soon, too fast, too much. This can’t be love; he’s happy.

And yet it could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was all supposed to be one chapter but formatting had other ideas (edit: formatting successfully defeated)  
> ALSO: yes two of the songs are JJ covers I don't know what to tell you except I have too much spare time for someone who should have been writing the essay due tomorrow that I've written half of

**Author's Note:**

> yes I included an entire soundtrack to this piece yes two of them are JJ covers I can't say anything except it's 6am I haven't slept yet and I have entirely too much time spent on this when the deadline for my half written essay is six hours from now.


End file.
